Monkeying around...

The old me, the new me



I have always been a very thin person. Even after my children were born I would always bounce back, maybe not as thin after the 3rd babe but pretty close. So all in all I have never been a heavy person. Well, at the beginning of this year I was diagnosed with a medical condition that required medication that I will most likely take for the rest of my life. Sadly one of the the number one side effects is weight gain. Boy have I put it on too! At the beginning of this year I weighed about 130 lbs (not living healthy contributed to that weight I am sure). I am now I believe over 170 lbs! That is a huge jump. I am never weighed this much accept when pregnant.



The old me worried about how I looked all the time. Was I skinny enough? Did I look like a young and cute mom? Did people say "Wow you look fantastic for having five children"? And the list goes on.



The new me finds it nice to not be preoccupied with my weight as much. However, I have moments that are so frustrating and make me upset to tears about where I am now. I know the cause of the weight gain. I know the need for the medication. I know I am not in my 20's anymore. I know that this body of mine has carried and delivered 5 babies. And I know my husband and family love me just as much as ever.



So what's the problem??? In my mind I still see the thin little girl that I used to be, rather than the well, ahem, healthy sized woman that I am today. At the beginning of the year I bought junior size 5 jeans, last night I purchased a women's size 12! Uggghh! What to do with the emotions I experience when buying clothes?



Do I just accept it as it is what it is? Most excercise is out of the question for me due to medical conditions. I have tried dieting, but the idea of it is so foreign and frustrating. I always seem to forget the dieting thing as soon as I get hungry! Hmmm, I am sure that others have been plagued with that issue before ;)



Well, I am not sure what I thought that I would accomplish by putting this out here for the world to read, I mean really, did I just type this??? Yes I did and so what, I felt like I was at least addressing my feelings about this issue just by watching it appear before me on the screen.



So as I go through the day, I will eat when I am hungry never thinking about being heavy...oh whatever, I am FAT! And then tommorow morning when I choose the clothes I will wear for the day, I will sigh, and feel a tinge of being bummed out again. Day after day the same scene will repeat itself or at least until I do something to change it I guess, or I change the way I look at it! Maybe it is best just to change the way I look at it, I think that may bring me peace, cause the only person in my life that is bothered by my weight is me!