Monkeying around...

I am 35 today! Happy Birthday to me!!!

I turned 35 years old today! 35 years old can it really be true, I mean, seriously, I don't feel like I am 35! In my mind I feel so much younger than this.

My children and I went to the beach today. As I walked along looking for shells and the children played near by, I began to think. I began thinking about my life and who I am. I thought to myself, am I who I hoped to be? Do I possess the qualities that make up the person I want to be? Although I know that I will never "arrive", am I still heading the right direction for me? Am I the mother and wife that my beautiful family deserves and that I want to be for them? I continued walking along and I continued to think. I seriously considered who I am and the characteristics that make up my personality. I said to myself...Self, you love your family, you love being a mom and wife and your family knows it. It is the career that I opted for years ago and I am still happy with my choice. I am careful when I talk to my children in good times and in struggle! Though sometimes I fall short of the mark, but I apologize and try harder, so that is good.

I respect the opinions and views, likes and dislikes and choices of the people that live with me. Though sometimes it is harder than I thought it would be. I support my family in being who they are, and I hope that my efforts help to build self confidence in them. Though sometimes I fight back the urge to give my advice when it is not welcome or desired. That's hard!!!

I try to be genuinely interested and aware of the activities that my children pursue and love. Although, sometimes I just don't get it, but I try. I am finally learning to stand up for myself in more areas than I ever could before, though it is not always as easy as it seems it should be. Maybe that just takes time. I am learning this not only for myself, but so that I can prevent my children from suffering the same life I had, putting up with things to please or keep the peace with others. I am hopefully giving them a positive role model who isn't a push-over, and won't be bullied or convinced to conform to things that I believe are wrong. I have witnessed my children already model this behavior and I am proud! So as I considered these thoughts about my life and who I am, I feel that, yeah, I am heading in the right direction! And though the road isn't always easy, and I tend to stumble and want to give up when things are rough...I haven't yet. I am still plodding along and I am proud of myself for that! I like the person I am, and I can sleep at night knowing that I am the person, wife and mother that I want to be, and that I have reached a place in my life that I don't worry about what anyone else thinks about me or who I am. That is so incredibly freeing for me! I like me and my family loves me...I am doing something right here and I intend to continue into the years to come! So all things considered, I am happy with my life, happy with the person I am, and happy with wife and mother that I am to the people I love most in the world to me!

I have learned over the years as well that it is wonderful to wear what I feel like, weigh what I am comfortable with, listen to whatever music I like, and just be myself, which is somewhat confusing now and then, due to the conforming I have done over the years, but I am getting there. All in all though, I am glad I took the time to evaluate myself and where I am after 35 years of my life. It reaffirms alot for me, and now I can say with joy, Happy Birthday to me, and mean it cause I am definitely, at 35 years old heading in the right direction!!!