Monkeying around...

Years gone in the blink of an eye


I have been wondering for the last few days where the time has gone with my children. Right now I have a 13 yob, 11yog, 9yog, 8yog, and a 6yog. Where has the time gone? How is it that they are growing so quickly. Did I blink somewhere or what? There is something so sentimental about watching children grow and change. On one hand you are thrilled with all the accomplishments that they make in their journeys through life, however the other hand makes me weepy. With each first that they each accomplish I feel so bittersweet. I am so proud of the people that they are becoming, but long for the days when they would sleep in my arms and smelled of sweet baby smells. My youngest is having a birthday this month and she will be 7, how can that be??? I think I take it the hardest with my first born and my baby.

My son, because he was my first and he goes through every event in life first and Dad and I are learning from him in every way imaginable. I also see each accomplishment, each new step as one more step towards his adulthood. Life on his own. How will he do? Did we instill all the right morals? Did we model good enough choices for him to remember and draw upon when he needs it? Did we maintain a closeness that will stand the test of time? I wonder and I hope!

With my last child each first for her makes me want to cry. I mourn that she is the last baby, the last little girl, and the last of firsts for me! She is so precious and how I wish sometimes (well alot I confess) that she would stay so young, innocent and sweet forever. That the world that can sometimes be so cynical and cruel would never touch her. I am ever grateful that she is such a small child, because I can still hold her in my arms almost like when she was a baby. She still has baby soft skin and sweet toes. I can't fathom how much I will truly miss the pitter patter of little feet and the giggles of all my children as they are creating some new game, fantasy or conspiracy!

I don't know if I will be able to stand the quiet that will one day encompass my life. I think that pondering this and all the other thoughts that have been swimming in my head in the last few days has caused me to focus more, to pay more attention to the goings on with my children, to rearrange priorities so that making wonderful memories with my family takes the precedence it should rather than allowing the hurriedness of life to set my priorities for me. To live life more purposefully everyday. I am glad that my heart sometimes shakes me up, turns me around and sends me off in the right direction again. I love my sweet children so!